Mark Driscoll calls them “bread truck Mondays.” A Sunday that was so difficult or draining that the day after makes a pastor wish he was anything but a pastor – even the driver of a bread truck.
Not every pastor wants to quit all the time, but from time to time discouragement sets in and often it’s hard for pastors to find a safe, anonymous place to talk about it.
I took an informal poll of my friends in pastoral ministry. “What recently has made you want to quit?”
These are their top responses:
“To Protect My Family”
Sometimes, the pastor’s family will sacrifice in ways that make the pastor want to give it up for an easier or, frankly, more lucrative job. One pastor, discouraged by his young church’s inability to pay him a decent salary, responded that he feels like he is being a “sucky provider.”
Another friend who has moved into a difficult neighborhood to be an incarnational presence there, cited drug dealers in his neighborhood as a reason that he’s wanted to quit. Difficult days can make you question your call to take the gospel to the hard places.
“Criticism”
Often pastors feel attacked on all sides. One friend of mine replied to my question with simply the words “sinful criticism,” which he later described as “criticism that is nit-picky and comes from a consumeristic church culture.”
“The Hard Work of Shepherding”
For one church planter, it was the difficult realization that after you “launch” the church, you have to actually pastor people.
His response:
“Coming to the reality that we can’t just make cool websites, network in the community, and launch a church. We actually have to do the hard work of shepherding.”
“Restlessness”
Some of the time, the issue is simply that entrepreneurial church-planting pastors have a hard time staying in one place for very long. “Restlessness and feeling a desire for another city,” was one pastor’s response to my question.
“Coveting Others’ Gifts”
Even though only a small percentage of the churches in the world see rapid numeric growth, it is these stories of fast-growing churches that get promoted the most in the church world. Add to this, because of the connectivity of the internet, that everyone has access to the most gifted preachers & teachers around.
One pastor named his struggle for what it is: “coveting others’ gifts, leadership, fruitfulness.”
If you are “normal” pastor of a “normal” church, this can lead to great discouragement. It can cause you to question if you alone are struggling with difficult people or a difficult context.
One pastor responded (ironically via Twitter) to my question on what’s made him want to quit recently:
“Twitter. Following people who always seem to have the momentum & success & few struggles. Seriously – it has gotten to me.”
“Lack of Change”
“Stagnation in the church that won’t change gets me down a lot,” was one pastor’s response to my question.
The single most discouraging issue for pastors is a sense that things in the church are not changing or progressing.
One pastor cited a “lack of change….doing the same things the same ways without vision for the why behind it all.”
Pastors are pouring out their lives in order to see transformation – change in people, a neighborhood, or an entire city. When things seem stuck, it can feel like it’s time to throw in the towel.
One pastor described it as a “lack of mission: Feeling as if we’re just spinning our wheels. Spiritual apathy among leaders who were ‘with’ us.”
What about you?
Pastors, what things have made you want to quit recently?
If you’re not a pastor, how have you encouraged or protected your pastor from discouragement?
Tags: leadership
As I commented on the facebook note, I sometimes quip that I’d make a great UPS driver.
But I have to echo the sentiment in the last response… lack of change often makes Mondays tough. I’ll go through a steady cycle of feeling productive, efficient, and relevant to simply feeling like I’m spinning my tires. God is good all the time, but I don’t feel that I always am.
It’s a fearsome nettle trying to encourage pastors. My wife and I love to encourage everyone, especially pastors. So we say, let’s invite them over, pay for a baby sitter, and have a nice dinner. Then we hear sermons of what the pastor and his family need the most is time away from congregants. Does that mean us? Let’s invite anyway. Love to, says the Pastor, how about Thursday 3 months from now.
So you figure out a way to email the pastor (now we’re in the inner sanctum) and you tell them how deeply affected you were by the good word and what can I pray for you about? No reply.
I think in many cases your busyness/weariness is a result of having no respect for your own time, and islands of comfort and encouragement are being ignored due to the urgent calling of the moment. In fact, rested and encouraged, you will have higher impact in less time than working constantly on the razor’s edge of your emotion.
Sort out your own ego. Obviously don’t be drawn to the groupie following, but reaching out in exhaustion to valid encouragement might in fact be the better choice than visiting the sick. Jesus found his islands all the time.
Frankly, I think there has to be a special seed within that makes you realize that you can’t not be a pastor to be a pastor. I think pastors need to be able to continue to say that to continue being pastors. Some, I think, were meant to be pastors only for a season, yet continue due to a perceived path of least resistance. I think without careful, advanced strategies for managing time and health, pastors are destined to burn out.
I’ve often been asked if I should be a pastor. I think about it for about 2 seconds and confidently reply in the negative.
But for those hearty souls on whom God has laid the awesome burden of pastor, I encourage you to identify those in your congregation who are dying to be a resource of comfort, encouragement, wisdom, even Biblical knowledge. Further, I would find a group of warriors who, like Spurgeon had, would be in prayer vigilantly for you when you bring the word. That’s not a sacrifice; it’s an honor with blessing.
Most of all, know that if you are where you should be, then how you “feel” from time to time can be a tripwire. Making a list of things I can trust, “feelings” come out at or near the bottom every time. As Ravi Zacharias says often, “The answer to the burdened traveler’s prayer often is heavy luggage.”
Suffer well, my dear friends.
Jeff
Interesting post.
the “hard work of shepherding” piece is really troubling to me.
I wonder how many pastors take seriously the warning of James that “not many of you should seek to be leaders/pastors”.
Church planting/leading/shepherding is not a game. Your mistakes burn people. Bad.
You can leave someone a lot farther from the Lord than you found them.
Don’t sign up for this job because it’s cool.
I heard an interview once between a seminary professor and Derek Webb. The professor asked something along the lines of “what is your advice to someone who is considering a music career?” and Webb responded w/ something like, “Don’t do this unless you can’t imagine any other life that would satisfy you. If there’s anything else you can see yourself doing, choose it now or quit and choose it later.”
The response from the professor really stuck with me:
“That’s exactly what we tell guys who want to be pastors.”
Jack, you’re right – our job is to do our job and then trust the goodness of God, who will bring change in his time.
Jeff, thanks for giving us the perspective from the other side of the pulpit. I know this was frustrating when I was your pastor. Your stuff that you hint at here that helps with chunks of time management is so good – I will probably post some of your thoughts on that in the future.
Zack, this is exactly what we tell prospective church planters – “Don’t sign up for this job because it’s cool.”
To be fair to the planter I quoted from, his realization was a mark of maturity. Instead of just planting a service, he realized he was planting a church, which is much harder.
The one I have heard more than any other is “Do I really matter?”
I think a number of pastors are convinced that their churches live and die by their performance.
Just heard some pastors today talking about the frustration of little observable movement among the people they minister with. That is the hardest thing to deal with. Like watching my kids grow, I can’t see it but those who saw them a year ago and then today notice. Hopefully others see our churches that way even though we don’t. Sadly many see grandma a year ago and then see her today and say, “Whoah! She looks terrible.” I pray no one notices our churches and sees that, but some do. And when they do it is like a punch in the gut to that pastor.
Had to share this quote that my mentor gave me yesterday…
“The thing about pastoring is our real success totally depends on other peoples’ response to God.”
Pettiness in people is the most exhausting thing for pastors. Churches and even certain church cultures cow-tow to the whiners, and it takes a toll.
The other thing is when rules, policies, and tradition stand in the way of any innovation for any ministry applications. Stressing safety more than reaching people, stressing the messes and costs of ministry more than the greatness of the task. That’s what really, really, hurts motivation and drive.
However, I find little of this in my current church, and I feel like I have the greatest job in the world in many, many respects.
Pettiness… whiners… Bob, I agree.
But like you, I also feel that the church I recently left was one of the greatest in the world – and I miss the people dearly.
Thanks for posting this Jonathan. It’s cool to read the honesty and insight of other pastors, and it makes me realize that I’m not alone in my discouragements.
I’d also be interested in reading about the other side of the coin. Something to the effect, “what are the things that make ministry exciting/fulfilling?” Or, “What kinds of buffers have you placed around you and your ministry to prevent ministry burnout?”
The hardest part for me would have to be the lack of consistancy among the key leaders.we are a church plant all volunteer, including me. We see good movment but immaturity @ the leadership level is a persistant problem. We have some very high level leaders that are amazingly committe,but the few that can’t carry water and bail @ crucial moments gets me down.couple that with a lack of finaces to pay the pastor, church planting and growth conferences that celebrate the in your face success of some churches(mainly from deeply christian areas or extememly well funded)all of this creates a perfect storm of discouragment. I love what I do,I have done it for free for 5 years, but I can’t honestly say I would do it for another 5 without some major changes.especially financially.
I am thankful and hope someone responds to this because so often men of faith(Pastors) talk good but really don’t want to minister to one another it’s just talk… so here I go.
I feel like I want to give up the ministry after serving in some capacity or another for over seventeen years because I was called into ministry(not assigned by my Pastor)after being called by the Lord, I then sat under my Pastor but once the Lord called me into Pastoral assignment that’s when…ALL Hell broke loose of course the enemy takes notice. My wife said when she was called in by my pastors church women and my Pastor and asked do you want to be married to me she responded with…”I don’t know”… that did indeed hurt me and has every since… then after being the Pastor of a church for 2 years she admitted that she wasn’t involved and wasn’t committed to the church(2 YEARS IN!)I sort of noticed after doing EVERYTHING! in the church all the time myself. She admitted wanting the church to fail and she still I feel doesn’t put her christian walk first(Not as the Pastors wife)but as one who is committed to the Lord. I have had the people always coming to me especially the women and I need her to carry that mantle but she still questions everything not some things which is OK but she doesn’t still want to do much and don’t know how to do anything in the church without me, I am burnt out about that combined with the people(Which is par for the course)but the truth is that I don’t want to Pastor anymore because I want to leave everybody including my wife and concentrate on ministering around the world and indulge myself into Gods word(For which I have lost my passion for). I am at a struggle point and I am drowning, I want to be left alone to love the Lord and am so tired of lying, unreal people, thank you.
Pastor P.W.
Thanks for your honesty.
I am definitely available to talk.
Email me and we can set up a phone call.
My email address is jonathan@rethinkmission.org.
Till then, you may want to read: http://www.rethinkmission.org/church/how-not-to-plant-a-church/ where I talk about how my pursuit of ministry almost destroyed my marriage.
I’ll be praying for you and your wife.